the trots

Being a bricky it\'s usally the old cement bag for me but, then comes the problem of disposing of the bag! \"Have you got a Richard the third in your chimney?\"

Was once up on a scaffold and everything around me was stinking of the Old Brown. It was\'nt \'till I looked down to see the labourer next to the mixer, buckled up laughing....no prizes for guessing where his \"Richard\" was :(
 
Lots of mates who don\'t want to use the chemical toilets at bike rallys,after a couple of days they stink and look,well like shit.
They just swallow a few anti thin shit tablets :D ,solution,you don\'t shit for days.
Stand well back when you do though.
 
there is a bloke who used to drink in the westoe pub
if you have a dog with 2 balls he has one with 3
if you have a black cat he has a blacker one
well he is such a gob sh ite
you cant get a word in edgeways
i remember when i was a kid
ant they built houses on the stadium in south shields
next to the jack clark park
we used to go in the houses when they were being built
we used to smoke and have a carry on
well this bloke was gaan on and on about his house
i said hey mick i remember when we were kids
i had a sh it in your loft
well the whole place erupted
he never said another work all afternoon

brih knows who he is
 
as my job is fitting roller shutter doors
we use key switches that open doors
they come in a box about 80mm square
well one day i was working with a lad called joe
and two other lads
we were working in an arms depot in cumbria
i had a sh it in one of the key switch boxes
i patted the lid down and closed the box
i placed it on the ground next to joes van
when he was getting somthing out the van i shoted \"joe\"
whats the box on the ground
he said its a keyswitch
so i went over to him and said are they a new type ive never seen them before
he picked it up and opened the box
well his face was a sight
it will stay with me for the rest of my life
then he looked at me

i just ran as fast as i could
he threw it at me
it come over like a hand grenade
bearing in mind joe was 18 stone and just out of the army

there were loads of sheep in the fields grazing
well he scooped sheep sh ite up and wiped it all over my door handles and steering wheel
(the dirty git)
then i got a job to go to hartlepool

the van stunk
 
this is not as good as sless but about 16 years ago my x used to work at st marys mental hospital at stannington and i used to pick her up after work. well one evening i was sitting in my car when a patient came up to me and asked if i had a light for his pipe. at the time i only had matches and every time i lit a match and put it near his pipe to light it the wind blew it out so i asked him to pass his pipe over so that i could light it in the car so the wind would not blow it out. i stuck the pipe in my mouth and lit a match up then proceeded to suck. it had astrange taste and it was like tring to light one of those bubble pipes, well i mannaged and handed it back to him , spat whatever i had taken in my mouth out of the car window and sat back to wait on my x. when she arrived itold her of the good deed i had done and she pulled a face of shock and disgust then told me that the old patient used to stick the pipe up his a**e then clean it in the toilet, i started gagging and then threw up and all the way home was spitting to try and get rid of the s**t that i must have swallowed. i will never forget it and even now its making me feel sick.


cheers
mark
 
Graham, please do not draw me into this thread. Thank you in advance. I refuse to become part of the gutter writers (literally in some cases lol)
 
What about when the a##e doesn\'t tell you and you sh#t urself? Do you:
1. carry on fishing and pretend that there\'s no sh#t at all?
2. run home for new/clean kit at low water and get back b4 the flood?
3. Go downwind and cast over everyones line so they cant smell ya kegs?
4. blame someone smaller and frailer than urself?
5. put your hands up and say \"it was me\"?
6. Spend the rest of your life insisting to all your mates that you have never sh#t yourself before?
 
there\'s a guy up here that went for a dump while fishing

he was wearing a one piece floatation suit, so he pulled his arms out, dragged it down passed his waist, took a crap,

stood up, pulled his floatie suit back on, flicked the hood up and a big jobby landed on his head.....

he gets called \"jobbing hood\" to this day, someone even made up a song based on the music from the old robin hood programme
 
Lmao Les that will take some beating.

I have been caught short a few times when fishing but have either been by myself or somewhere I could get away from prying eyes. Still laughing.

Jim.
 
there\'s a guy up here that went for a dump while fishing

or not got away from prying eyes
Click to expand...

I\'m fishing for brown! Hands up (lads & lasses) if u never eva eva eva followed thrugh before when out fishing.

This is not about sophisticated dumps, this is about touching rubber or thermal material like when u standing in the breakers and u let rip with your Sunday pendulum and you fill ya chesties. You all know what I mean
 

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