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I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
\"If you\'re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.\"
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
\"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.\"
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
\"If you don\'t straighten up, I\'m going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!\"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
\" Because I said so, that\'s why.\"
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
\"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you\'re not going to
the
store with me.\"
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
\"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you\'re in an accident.\"
7. My mother taught me IRONY .
\"Keep crying, and I\'ll give you something to cry about.\"
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
\"Shut your mouth and eat your supper.\"
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
\"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!\"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
\"You\'ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.\"
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
\"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.\"
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
\"If I told you once, I\'ve told you a million times. Don\'t exaggerate!\"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
\"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.\"
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
\"Stop acting like your father!\"
15 . My mother taught me about ENVY .
\"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don\'t
have
wonderful parents like you do.\"
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
\"Just wait until we get home.\"
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
\"You are going to get it when you get home!\"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
\"If you don\'t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
way.\"
19. My mother taught me ESP .
\"Put your sweater on; don\'t you think I know when you are cold?\"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
\"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don\'t come running to me.\"
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
\"If you don\'t eat your vegetables, you\'ll never grow up.\"
22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
\"You\'re just like your father.\"
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
\"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?\"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
\"When you get to be my age, you\'ll understand.\"
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
\"One day you\'ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you\"
bert
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
\"If you\'re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning.\"
2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
\"You better pray that will come out of the carpet.\"
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
\"If you don\'t straighten up, I\'m going to knock you into the middle of
next
week!\"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
\" Because I said so, that\'s why.\"
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
\"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you\'re not going to
the
store with me.\"
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
\"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you\'re in an accident.\"
7. My mother taught me IRONY .
\"Keep crying, and I\'ll give you something to cry about.\"
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
\"Shut your mouth and eat your supper.\"
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
\"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!\"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
\"You\'ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.\"
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
\"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.\"
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY .
\"If I told you once, I\'ve told you a million times. Don\'t exaggerate!\"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
\"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.\"
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
\"Stop acting like your father!\"
15 . My mother taught me about ENVY .
\"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don\'t
have
wonderful parents like you do.\"
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
\"Just wait until we get home.\"
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
\"You are going to get it when you get home!\"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE .
\"If you don\'t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
way.\"
19. My mother taught me ESP .
\"Put your sweater on; don\'t you think I know when you are cold?\"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
\"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don\'t come running to me.\"
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
\"If you don\'t eat your vegetables, you\'ll never grow up.\"
22. My mother taught me GENETICS .
\"You\'re just like your father.\"
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
\"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?\"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
\"When you get to be my age, you\'ll understand.\"
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
\"One day you\'ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you\"
bert
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