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Genuine letters to Local Councils.
These are all genuine extracts from actual letters sent to local Councils
and Housing Associations throughout the UK:
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18 year old son keeps banging his balls against my fence
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink which has come away from the wall
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
7. I request permission to remove my draws in the kitchen. 50% of the
walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour
and not fit to drink
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like
a third so please send someone around to do something about it.
12. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please
do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every
night.
13. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy
my wife.
14. I have had the clerk from the works down on the floor six times but I
have still had no satisfaction.
15. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus in it.
16. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can’t take it anymore
17. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
18. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at
6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.
These are all genuine extracts from actual letters sent to local Councils
and Housing Associations throughout the UK:
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18 year old son keeps banging his balls against my fence
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink which has come away from the wall
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped
and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
7. I request permission to remove my draws in the kitchen. 50% of the
walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour
and not fit to drink
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like
a third so please send someone around to do something about it.
12. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please
do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every
night.
13. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy
my wife.
14. I have had the clerk from the works down on the floor six times but I
have still had no satisfaction.
15. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus in it.
16. He’s got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can’t take it anymore
17. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.
18. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at
6am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.