Tweet
jokes part 2
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast, \"3-5, 3-5, 3-5... ohhh, ahh, 3-5, yeah, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5!\"
********************************************
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. \"There\'s no one around for miles, why don\'t you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?\" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and off he went, dogs in trail.
That afternoon, the nephew returned. \"How did you enjoy that?\" asked the uncle.
\"It was great!\" exclaimed the nephew. \"Got any more dogs?\"
********************************************
A slug in the forest had spent all day gathering berries and was making
his way home when he was mugged by a gang of snails. They knocked him
down, knocked him out and made off with all his berries.
A while later he was found and aided by a very concerned monkey who
asked him what had happened. The monkey told him he should go to the
police, that if he gave them a good description of the culprits the
chances were good that the thugs would be caught and punished.
Unfortunately, the slug revealed, \"I\'m afraid I never saw them; it all happened so fast.\"
********************************************
A beautiful young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. When her name was called out in the court foyer, she brushed her hair, checked her make-up, took a deep breath, and walked into the court
and took to the witness stand.
The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. \"Not
guilty,\" the woman answered emphatically.
The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: \"Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed acts of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the
roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the centre of London, in a blizzard..and you were totally nude?\"
The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said... \"What was the date again?\"
********************************************
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn\'t have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
\"I sure do,\" he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
\"Wow!\" said his friend, \"where did you get that monster.\"
\"I got it from my genie.\"
\"You have a genie?\" he asked.
\"Yes, he\'s right here in my golf bag.\"
\"Could I see him?\"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.
The friend says, \"I\'m a good friend of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?\"
\"Yes I will,\" the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing the! re waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, \"I asked for a million bucks not ducks!\"
He answers, \"I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?\"
Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast, \"3-5, 3-5, 3-5... ohhh, ahh, 3-5, yeah, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5!\"
********************************************
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.
Finally, the uncle had an idea. \"There\'s no one around for miles, why don\'t you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?\" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and off he went, dogs in trail.
That afternoon, the nephew returned. \"How did you enjoy that?\" asked the uncle.
\"It was great!\" exclaimed the nephew. \"Got any more dogs?\"
********************************************
A slug in the forest had spent all day gathering berries and was making
his way home when he was mugged by a gang of snails. They knocked him
down, knocked him out and made off with all his berries.
A while later he was found and aided by a very concerned monkey who
asked him what had happened. The monkey told him he should go to the
police, that if he gave them a good description of the culprits the
chances were good that the thugs would be caught and punished.
Unfortunately, the slug revealed, \"I\'m afraid I never saw them; it all happened so fast.\"
********************************************
A beautiful young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. When her name was called out in the court foyer, she brushed her hair, checked her make-up, took a deep breath, and walked into the court
and took to the witness stand.
The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. \"Not
guilty,\" the woman answered emphatically.
The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: \"Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed acts of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf - who was waving a union jack - on the
roof of a car, whilst travelling at over 100mph through the centre of London, in a blizzard..and you were totally nude?\"
The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said... \"What was the date again?\"
********************************************
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn\'t have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
\"I sure do,\" he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
\"Wow!\" said his friend, \"where did you get that monster.\"
\"I got it from my genie.\"
\"You have a genie?\" he asked.
\"Yes, he\'s right here in my golf bag.\"
\"Could I see him?\"
He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie.
The friend says, \"I\'m a good friend of your master.
Will you grant me one wish?\"
\"Yes I will,\" the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing the! re waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, \"I asked for a million bucks not ducks!\"
He answers, \"I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?\"