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Dear Santa,
I wrote you, but you still ain\'t callin\',
Christmas is just around the corner,
and snow is falling.
I sent two letters back in Autumn,
I guess you haven\'t got \'em yet,
Unless you did and you just haven\'t replied,
you fat lazy get.
What\'s up man? You been out again playing golf?
Anyways, what\'s happening?
Say hi to my mate Rudolph.
I think he\'s a crazy reindeer as it goes,
with them silly dumbass antlers,
man, and that crazy red nose.
Anyways, forget about that sh*t, man,
Here\'s my present list:
I hope get what I want, or else I\'ll be well pi**ed.
I want one of them scooters to ride around on,
A Kylie Minogue calendar, and a goddam Pokemon.
Hey, what about those toys from TV\'s Robot Wars?
That ain\'t difficult, you can get them in all department stores.
Anyways, I gotta go now Santa,
Gotta go down the Gym,
to stay trim.
Write back soon,
this is Slim
Dear Santa,
You still ain\'t called or wrote,
what\'s going on?
I been thinking that I done something wrong.
I wrote you already man,
in fact I wrote you twice.
This year I ain\'t been naughty:
Man, I been real nice!
By the way, be careful around this neighbourhood,
don\'t get whacked.
I don\'t want my presents being stolen out of your big sack.
I\'m going to leave some mince pies at the bottom of the chimney,
Hey Santa, you got to write back! Fax me! Ring me!
My girlfriend thinks I\'m strange, I talk about you all the time,
I can\'t wait to meet you santa, when you come round to mine.
Don\'t forget my presents, man, I need that Pikachu.
If I don\'t get it, no turkey for me:
I\'ll be eating reindeer stew.
Ahhh, didn\'t mean to threaten you man:
That\'s just my way.
Hey, any chance when you come round I can ride your magic sleigh?
Anyways, Santa, go get my presents ready,
I got to go see my lady,
Write back soon,
This is Shady
Dear Mr \"I\'m too busy eating mince pies to write to my fans\"
You big fat red muthaf*cka.
I been sending you letters for six months now,
Why ain\'t you been writing back, you fat lazy cow?
I hope you choke whilst drinking your eggnog,
you silly, fat, ugly, lazy pig dog.
Sitting on your fat ass talking to Rudolph and Blitzen,
I\'m here with no presents, man, I\'m f*ckin\' bitchin\'.
You ain\'t wrote back, man,
That crime is heinous,
I hope Rudolph\'s antlers kebab your tiny penis.
I hope you fall off that sleigh and land in yellow snow.
You come down my chimney, I\'ll tell you where to go.
When you get to the bottom, don\'t be expecting mince pies,
You\'ll be talking to my fist, right between your fuc*in\' eyes.
How you going to fly when your sleigh\'s up on bricks?
You and your stupid reindeer, you bunch of pricks.
I\'m cycling in the rain on my ten speed bike,
but when I rock the mike, I rock the mike right.
All I wanted was presents, but you couldn\'t stop meddlin\'.
Hey, shut up, Elf, and keep on peddlin\'.
Sorry, Santa, that\'s one of your Elves going side saddle,
I fought him last night, so I\'m taking him for a paddle.
So Santa, it seems you\'re sh*t out of luck,
you can shove Christmas up your ass, you fat f*ck.
*splash*
Sincerely yours,
This is Slim.
Dear Slim,
I meant to write you sooner, but I\'ve been busy.
All this flying business makes my quite dizzy.
I\'m flattered that you talk about me all the time:
Your girlfriend shouldn\'t get upset, it\'s hardly a crime.
However, here\'s a question I\'d like to ask if I\'m able:
Have you ever been described as being slightly unstable?
The reason I ask is that you want a Pikachu.
That toys for five year olds, what the f*ck\'s wrong with you?
As for kidnapping my Elf, not a good plan.
I\'ll rip your f*ckin\' head off, you crazy madman.
I\'m going to bust you up bad, you dirty little scrote,
I\'ll rip your head off, and shove a pokemon down your throat.
You don\'t deserve any presents coz you\'re f*ckin\' loopy.
You sissy girl, I\'m-a gonna give you a Snoopy.
Coz you bust my balls for so long, here\'s what I\'ll do:
On the night of Christmas Eve, I\'m coming to get you.
You see, I may be Santa, but I\'m rock hard.
I can kill a man with just a Christmas card.
When you stole my Elf, you made me sick.
I\'ve had Elves stolen from me before, you thick prick.
There was this one guy had an elf on a bike,
drove him in to a river late one night,
and in the basket in front there was a letter,
but it didn\'t say who it was to.
Come to think about it, it was you!
Damn
Ho ho ho.
I wrote you, but you still ain\'t callin\',
Christmas is just around the corner,
and snow is falling.
I sent two letters back in Autumn,
I guess you haven\'t got \'em yet,
Unless you did and you just haven\'t replied,
you fat lazy get.
What\'s up man? You been out again playing golf?
Anyways, what\'s happening?
Say hi to my mate Rudolph.
I think he\'s a crazy reindeer as it goes,
with them silly dumbass antlers,
man, and that crazy red nose.
Anyways, forget about that sh*t, man,
Here\'s my present list:
I hope get what I want, or else I\'ll be well pi**ed.
I want one of them scooters to ride around on,
A Kylie Minogue calendar, and a goddam Pokemon.
Hey, what about those toys from TV\'s Robot Wars?
That ain\'t difficult, you can get them in all department stores.
Anyways, I gotta go now Santa,
Gotta go down the Gym,
to stay trim.
Write back soon,
this is Slim
Dear Santa,
You still ain\'t called or wrote,
what\'s going on?
I been thinking that I done something wrong.
I wrote you already man,
in fact I wrote you twice.
This year I ain\'t been naughty:
Man, I been real nice!
By the way, be careful around this neighbourhood,
don\'t get whacked.
I don\'t want my presents being stolen out of your big sack.
I\'m going to leave some mince pies at the bottom of the chimney,
Hey Santa, you got to write back! Fax me! Ring me!
My girlfriend thinks I\'m strange, I talk about you all the time,
I can\'t wait to meet you santa, when you come round to mine.
Don\'t forget my presents, man, I need that Pikachu.
If I don\'t get it, no turkey for me:
I\'ll be eating reindeer stew.
Ahhh, didn\'t mean to threaten you man:
That\'s just my way.
Hey, any chance when you come round I can ride your magic sleigh?
Anyways, Santa, go get my presents ready,
I got to go see my lady,
Write back soon,
This is Shady
Dear Mr \"I\'m too busy eating mince pies to write to my fans\"
You big fat red muthaf*cka.
I been sending you letters for six months now,
Why ain\'t you been writing back, you fat lazy cow?
I hope you choke whilst drinking your eggnog,
you silly, fat, ugly, lazy pig dog.
Sitting on your fat ass talking to Rudolph and Blitzen,
I\'m here with no presents, man, I\'m f*ckin\' bitchin\'.
You ain\'t wrote back, man,
That crime is heinous,
I hope Rudolph\'s antlers kebab your tiny penis.
I hope you fall off that sleigh and land in yellow snow.
You come down my chimney, I\'ll tell you where to go.
When you get to the bottom, don\'t be expecting mince pies,
You\'ll be talking to my fist, right between your fuc*in\' eyes.
How you going to fly when your sleigh\'s up on bricks?
You and your stupid reindeer, you bunch of pricks.
I\'m cycling in the rain on my ten speed bike,
but when I rock the mike, I rock the mike right.
All I wanted was presents, but you couldn\'t stop meddlin\'.
Hey, shut up, Elf, and keep on peddlin\'.
Sorry, Santa, that\'s one of your Elves going side saddle,
I fought him last night, so I\'m taking him for a paddle.
So Santa, it seems you\'re sh*t out of luck,
you can shove Christmas up your ass, you fat f*ck.
*splash*
Sincerely yours,
This is Slim.
Dear Slim,
I meant to write you sooner, but I\'ve been busy.
All this flying business makes my quite dizzy.
I\'m flattered that you talk about me all the time:
Your girlfriend shouldn\'t get upset, it\'s hardly a crime.
However, here\'s a question I\'d like to ask if I\'m able:
Have you ever been described as being slightly unstable?
The reason I ask is that you want a Pikachu.
That toys for five year olds, what the f*ck\'s wrong with you?
As for kidnapping my Elf, not a good plan.
I\'ll rip your f*ckin\' head off, you crazy madman.
I\'m going to bust you up bad, you dirty little scrote,
I\'ll rip your head off, and shove a pokemon down your throat.
You don\'t deserve any presents coz you\'re f*ckin\' loopy.
You sissy girl, I\'m-a gonna give you a Snoopy.
Coz you bust my balls for so long, here\'s what I\'ll do:
On the night of Christmas Eve, I\'m coming to get you.
You see, I may be Santa, but I\'m rock hard.
I can kill a man with just a Christmas card.
When you stole my Elf, you made me sick.
I\'ve had Elves stolen from me before, you thick prick.
There was this one guy had an elf on a bike,
drove him in to a river late one night,
and in the basket in front there was a letter,
but it didn\'t say who it was to.
Come to think about it, it was you!
Damn
Ho ho ho.