DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN\'S PERSONAL ADS

[John]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN\'S PERSONAL ADS:
> >
> >
> >40-ish.............................................49
> >
> >Adventurous.................Slept with all your mates
> >
> >Athletic......................................N o t*ts
> >
> >Average looking...............Has a face like an a*se
> >
> >Beautiful...........................Pathologica l liar
> >
> >Contagious Smile..................Does a lot of pills
> >
> >Educated...................Was f*cked to bits at Uni\'
> >
> >Emotionally Secure......................On medication
> >
> >Feminist......................................... .Fat
> >
> >Free spirit....................................Junkie
> >
> >Friendship first..........................Former sl*t
> >
> >Fun..........................................Anno ying
> >
> >Gentle........................................... Dull
> >
> >Good Listener................................Autistic
> >
> >New-Age............................Body hair problems
> >
> >Old-fashioned.........................No BJs or an*al
> >
> >Open-minded.................................Desperate
> >
> >Outgoing........................Loud and Embarrassing
> >
> >Passionate...............................Sloppy drunk
> >
> >Poet.......................................Depres sive
> >
> >Professional....................................B *tch
> >
> >Romantic.......................................Fr igid
> >
> >Social.....................Fanny like a clowns pocket
> >
> >Voluptuous...................................Ve ry Fat
> >
> >Large lady.................................Hugely Fat
> >
> >Wants Soul mate...............................Stalker
> >
> >Widow.........................................Mur derer
> >
> >
> >WOMEN\'S ENGLISH:
> >1. Yes = No
> >
> >2. No = Yes
> >
> >3. Maybe = No
> >
> >4. We need = I want..
> >
> >5. I am sorry = you\'ll be sorry
> >
> >6. We need to talk = I need to complain
> >
> >7. Sure, go ahead = I don\'t want you to
> >
> >8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
> >
> >9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
> >
> >10. Are you listening to me? = Too late, you\'re dead
> >
> >11. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
> >
> >12. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
> >
> >13. You\'re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
> >
> >14. Do you love me? = I am going to ask for something expensive
> >
> >15. It\'s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by
now
> >
> >16. You\'re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think
>about?
> >
> >17. I\'ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good
>game on TV
> >
> >18. How much do you love me? = I did something today that you\'re
really
>not going to like
> >
> >MEN\'S ENGLISH:
> >1. I am hungry = I am hungry
> >
> >2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
> >
> >3. I am tired = I am tired
> >
> >4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
> >
> >5. I love you = Let\'s have sex now
> >
> >6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
> >
> >7. What\'s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
> >
> >8. May I have this dance? = I\'d like to have sex with you
> >
> >9. Can I call you sometime? = I\'d like to have sex with you
> >
> >10. Do you want to go to a movie? = I\'d like to have sex with you
> >
> >11. Can I take you out to dinner? = I\'d like to have sex with you
> >
> >12. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for other men to
>have sex with you
> >
> >13. You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex
with
>you within the next 3 mins.
> >
> >14. Let\'s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a
deep
>person and then I\'d like to have sex with you.
> >
> >15. I don\'t think those shoes go with that outfit = I\'m gay
>