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The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
sense of
humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them
die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you\'ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it\'s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it\'s true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which
doesn\'t...
oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
KingsCross.
Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and
we\'ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys\' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its
name. It\'s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It\'s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
sense of
humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them
die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you\'ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it\'s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it\'s true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list
of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which
doesn\'t...
oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
KingsCross.
Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and
we\'ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys\' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
its
name. It\'s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It\'s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out
walking.