Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Health and Safety test.

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Health and Safety test.

    Health and Safety at work.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Few years back, the government introduced a scheme wehere every single person on a building site was supposed to have a card saying they had taken a touch screen safety test. I have my renewal on saturday. It was introduced, so they said, to make workplaces safer. NOT, to generate revenue.
    I had to pay £42 when I booked mine, and was offered the "UPDATED" edition booklet, for a further £8.99. having been reliably informed, the one I bought last time was out of date, and may have different questions. I scrounged on off a lad at work. Thatd have been 51 quid.
    The govt say that to pass you need a basic knowledge of H&S.
    The following are questions, real ones, from the book, the answers are GENUINE, and are in the book as one of the multiple choice answers to the relevant question.

    Q, After watching you work, a health and safety officer issues you with an improvement notice, what does this mean?
    A, You are not working hard enough.

    Q, What is a toolbox talk?
    A, A talk that tells you where to buy tools.

    Q, A Near miss. is an incident where???
    A, You were just too late to see what happenned.

    Q, You must remove nails from scrap wood because?
    A, The site might run out of nails.

    Q, Your doctor says you have weils disease, you will need to tell your employer, why??
    A, He will not want to go anywhere near you.

    Q, Which of the following statements is true regarding illegal drugs at work?
    A, People who take illegal drugs work faster and better.

    Q, To keep rats away from the site, everyone should???
    A, Bring a big cat to work. ( ****ing class that one)

    Q, Pigeon droppings and nests are visible in the area in which you are to work, you should??
    A, Try and catch the pigeons.

    Q, Look at these statements about wearing a hard hat in hot weather, which one is true?
    A, You can drill holes in it to keep cool.

    Best of all..
    Q, Someone has trod on a nail, you are NOT a first aider, you should not try and pull it out because??
    Q, It is helping to keep his boot on....
    Every single answer genuine.

    and so it goes on.
    ****ing Politicians cant sleep thinking of ways to screw more money off you.
    Maker and inventor of CANNYLINKS, the best rotten bottom system bar none. IMHO!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOWm18-UD6E

  • #2
    ive got that one
    but also got my health and safety passport,supervisors pass
    and that one cost nearly 200 notes


    sless

    Comment


    • #3
      i cant remember ever having to pay to work years ago now i need two licences costing 240 quid each the goverment must be raking it in

      Comment


      • #4
        You think you've got problems? I work as a Health & Safety Instructor and Fork Lift Truck Examiner.
        NEBOSH Safety Certificate £650
        FLT Instuctor/Examiner Certificate £2000 +VAT
        NEBOSH Diploma £3800+
        On top of that it is approx £400 for every different truck I have to learn before I can teach.
        Most of these I am expected to pay for myself.
        It makes you understand why some people wont work.
        As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,
        but P*****g everyone off is a piece of cake.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Mike.Haley View Post
          You think you've got problems? I work as a Health & Safety Instructor and Fork Lift Truck Examiner.
          NEBOSH Safety Certificate £650
          FLT Instuctor/Examiner Certificate £2000 +VAT
          NEBOSH Diploma £3800+
          On top of that it is approx £400 for every different truck I have to learn before I can teach.
          Most of these I am expected to pay for myself.
          It makes you understand why some people wont work.
          Wont work, youve hit it on the button there Mike, Wont, not cant.
          Join my group on facebook "SCUM" Society for the Culling of Unemployed Males.
          Maker and inventor of CANNYLINKS, the best rotten bottom system bar none. IMHO!
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOWm18-UD6E

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Hiram.A.Biff View Post
            Wont work, youve hit it on the button there Mike, Wont, not cant.
            Join my group on facebook "SCUM" Society for the Culling of Unemployed Males.
            Flipping heck tucker - I've had the odd spell of unemployment

            Would that include members of the royal family please

            And Michael Owen
            "I mock thee not, though I by thee am mockéd.
            Thou call'st me madman, but I call thee blockhead"

            Comment


            • #7
              yeah but when you come for your h&s test and start shouting about the stupidity of it all, it is me who works there that gets it in the neck.
              Clare

              yes it is her.

              Comment

              Working...
              X