Golfers

[BriH]

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.

'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer..
Part way around the course one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'

'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.

'You're joking!' was the response.

'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.


'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here....

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic! I can see through the windows. Wow! I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her...... He's naked, too!!


He turned to the hit man and asked, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'

'I'll do a flat rate, for you, of one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'



'Can you do two for me now?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'First, shoot my wife... She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth! Then the neighbour; he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson!'



The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes....



'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.













'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here.....'

[BriH]

Suave Irishman

An Irishman is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.

The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks,'Is your date running late?''No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?''Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'

The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'

The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says, ' Bloody thing's running about an hour fast'.......' Can I buy you a drink? '

[Topfly]

Both class