why we love mr cooper

[codthumper]

Some of Mr Coopers finest:

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't put it down.

I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny you couldn't swing a cat in there.

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End'

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything."

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought that's Aboriginal.


I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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[nodrog]

cooper

sorry there all tim vines jokes. see his dvd

[MickA]

sorry there all tim vines jokes. see his dvd

Never heard of Tim Vine so did a bit googling, watched a couiple of youtube vids. Funny bloke but not very original. Try doing a few searches for Tommy Cooper and very easy to see where Tim Vine is coming from.

[john/r]

hi codthumper, they dont make them like they used to do they, got a tape of bobby thompson dos,nt get much better for me and they are all clean jokes, never heard bobby knoxall excuse my spelling if wrong is he pretty good also.
john