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These questions about Australia, were from potential visitors. They
were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watchingthem die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroadtracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me alist of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night inKings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get hereand we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, whichis...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
nightin Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all yearround? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk isillegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispenserattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. AllAustralian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled andmake good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forgetits name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out ofGum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You canscare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go outwalking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can youtell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female populationis smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl Idated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watchingthem die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroadtracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me alist of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night inKings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get hereand we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, whichis...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
nightin Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all yearround? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk isillegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispenserattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. AllAustralian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled andmake good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forgetits name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out ofGum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You canscare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go outwalking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can youtell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female populationis smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl Idated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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