Tweet
My wife's on the war path again. Last night she said she wanted to make a sex movie. All I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my fault; I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as my wife likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for quite a while, my wife and I were going to commit suicide together yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it; I'll just soldier on!"
I woke up at 8 this morning starving! I went downstairs and found my wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I had slept with. I replied, "Only you; the others wouldn't let me sleep!"
My wife packed my bags and said, "Get Out!!!" As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you *******!" "Oh," I replied, "So now you want me to stay!"
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my fault; I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as my wife likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for quite a while, my wife and I were going to commit suicide together yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it; I'll just soldier on!"
I woke up at 8 this morning starving! I went downstairs and found my wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I had slept with. I replied, "Only you; the others wouldn't let me sleep!"
My wife packed my bags and said, "Get Out!!!" As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you *******!" "Oh," I replied, "So now you want me to stay!"