Geordie and Gazza

[Mogthemackem]

Geordie and Gazza are walking home after a heavy night on the brown ale when they strole past the Haymarket bus depot. "Let's nick a buss to get us home" says Geordie. Also too fat and lazy to walk Gazza agrees to keep watch. Half an hour later still no sign of Geordie so Gazza starts looking for him. He sees Geordie running around in a right flap. "What's that matter with you Geordie" asks Gazza. "A cannit find a number 7 bus Gazza" says Geordie. "Just nick the number 9 you divvy" says Gazza, "We'll just have to get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way"

[The Great Wallsendo]

Mackems

A Scouser, a Geordie and a Mackem were in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death . However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Scouser was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. He had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Mackem was next up (he almost finished an entire bottle by himself), and after watching the scene, said: "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Mackem out crying like a little girl.

The Geordie was the last one up (he had finished off the crate, and was most certainly responsible for getting the whiskey into the country in the first place), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said...
"You support the greatest team in the world, you may have two wishes!"

"Thanks, your Royal Highness," the Geordie replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh says with an admiring look. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" he asks.

Geordie: "Tie the Mackem to my back."