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Reading Thunderpants report of his session on the pier today and the tourists annoying him with questions reminded me of when I worked for CalMac and travelled all over the islands. Some classic questions I remember:
Q- When is the last ferry tonight?
A- It's a 24hr service.
Q- Yes, but when is the last one?
Q- What is that old ruined castle over there?
A-It's an old ruined castle!
Q- Is this the ferry to Mull?
A- Yes.
Q- Then why does it have Glasgow painted on the back!?
Just before the ship docks the Captain comes on the tannoy and wishes passengers a safe journey to their destination. He then repeats it in Gaelic.
Q- Do you have a lot of Pakistanis working for you!?
A woman comes into Gourock office, just as the Dunoon ferry is arriving.
Q- Is that the ferry for Stornoway?
A- No the ferry for Stornoway leaves from Ullapool, a 6 hr drive from here!
Q- I am booked on the 230pm sailing, I'm going for New Year. It's midday day now, will I miss it?
A-Yes.
Q- Why do you phone Gourock to book it if it doesn't leave from here?
A- This is our Head Office, where our booking call centre is.
Q- That is so confusing, you need to make that clear to people!
A- It states clearly on your tickets, Ullapool to Stornoway.
As a passenger comes on the ferry from the gangway on the top deck.
Q- I take it the tide is in here at Ardrossan?
A- Yes.
Q- So it will be out at Arran and we will be getting off on the bottom deck?
A- No.
Q- Is that a Golden Eagle?
A- No it's a shag!
Q- Is this the boat to Balmoral?
A- No this is the boat to Rothesay
Q- So where do I get the boat to Balmoral?
A- You don't, it's not on an island
Q- Are you sure?
A- Yes
Q- Do you think the Queen will be in?
A- No
Q- Are haggis's real?
A- Yes
Q- Where I can I find them?
A On the menu
Q- Are they not animals?
A- No.
Q- Excuse me, I bought this in the cafe and it doesn't taste of orange?
A- That's because it's Irn Bru
Q- But it's in an orange can?
Q- Are you cold?
A- No
Q- Are you sure?
A- Yes
Q- Well you look cold?
A- I just have a short neck, now F off you ignorant Yank!!
Q- When is the last ferry tonight?
A- It's a 24hr service.
Q- Yes, but when is the last one?
Q- What is that old ruined castle over there?
A-It's an old ruined castle!
Q- Is this the ferry to Mull?
A- Yes.
Q- Then why does it have Glasgow painted on the back!?
Just before the ship docks the Captain comes on the tannoy and wishes passengers a safe journey to their destination. He then repeats it in Gaelic.
Q- Do you have a lot of Pakistanis working for you!?
A woman comes into Gourock office, just as the Dunoon ferry is arriving.
Q- Is that the ferry for Stornoway?
A- No the ferry for Stornoway leaves from Ullapool, a 6 hr drive from here!
Q- I am booked on the 230pm sailing, I'm going for New Year. It's midday day now, will I miss it?
A-Yes.
Q- Why do you phone Gourock to book it if it doesn't leave from here?
A- This is our Head Office, where our booking call centre is.
Q- That is so confusing, you need to make that clear to people!
A- It states clearly on your tickets, Ullapool to Stornoway.
As a passenger comes on the ferry from the gangway on the top deck.
Q- I take it the tide is in here at Ardrossan?
A- Yes.
Q- So it will be out at Arran and we will be getting off on the bottom deck?
A- No.
Q- Is that a Golden Eagle?
A- No it's a shag!
Q- Is this the boat to Balmoral?
A- No this is the boat to Rothesay
Q- So where do I get the boat to Balmoral?
A- You don't, it's not on an island
Q- Are you sure?
A- Yes
Q- Do you think the Queen will be in?
A- No
Q- Are haggis's real?
A- Yes
Q- Where I can I find them?
A On the menu
Q- Are they not animals?
A- No.
Q- Excuse me, I bought this in the cafe and it doesn't taste of orange?
A- That's because it's Irn Bru
Q- But it's in an orange can?
Q- Are you cold?
A- No
Q- Are you sure?
A- Yes
Q- Well you look cold?
A- I just have a short neck, now F off you ignorant Yank!!