Bert - do you know anyone who can fettle a boat for £20

[Charlie_Thompson]

Me and a mate are trying to buy the biggest most wooden boat in the world, and need someone to fix it for about four quid.

How's the other lad is he ok?

[sless]

is that noah thompson

[Charlie_Thompson]

The Thompson family are very good on water. We come from a long line of mountain, arctic, desert, tropical, pampas dwellers - dwelling mainly in Pampers

Looking seriously at big wooden boats though

[Tadpoleman]

You got a problem with a wooden boat then i know just the man for the job (and he is a professional aswell !!)
But dont know about the price though lol £££££££££££££££££££££
He is the last Boat Builder - Repairer on the Tyne and has surpassed all the rest 40years+ in the buisiness
But on the boat issue Ian have you seen another one you fancy?
Whats the sixe etc,??
How's the other lad is he ok?-------- Yes i think so never spoke to him since !!

[mark]

just need to find some 65 foot long 5x2 planks of larch now!

[sless]

and sdome steam to bend the wood into shape

[Tadpoleman]

Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Say No More Say No More Know Wot I Mean

[mark]

and sdome steam to bend the wood into shape

aye, so if everyone can save their steam in a bucket every time they boil a kettle that's be great

[jason]

got three buckets here already for you and they are starting to clutter the work surfaces - when can you pick them up.

[braine]

You just need a 65 foot length of 10" pipe and a big boiler. Put a hood over the boiler and vent the steam into the pipe. Plug the other end with just a small hole to let the steam out - leave for 4 - 6 hours, topping the boiler up occasionally. You can also wrap the bit you need to bend in cloths and pour boiling water on them for about half an hour until they get hot and sweaty!. It is the copper roves and washers you might be short of!

[mark]

It is the copper roves and washers you might be short of!

just looked at the prices of bronze fasteners

[Charlie_Thompson]

just looked at the prices of bronze fasteners

We'll just use gold instead

Doesn't rust innit

Thanks for the advice on bending and the offers of steam. Much appreciated. Well be getting steamed and bent in China thanks they are a lot littler over there and cost less.

[Charlie_Thompson]

Just googled "steam" and apparently all it is a by-product of hot water. There must be a way it can be harnessed to provide power for cars or flying machines. I am off to the Dragons Den with a glass of water and a match.

[mark]

its well documented fact that chinese steam is of a sideways disposition and therefore unsuitable, this coupled with the fact there's no such thing as chinese steam, makes it unfeasible

not sure about chinese benders though

[Charlie_Thompson]

its well documented fact that chinese steam is of a sideways disposition and therefore unsuitable, this coupled with the fact there's no such thing as chinese steam, makes it unfeasible

not sure about chinese benders though

Chinese lady parts go sideways as well.

Sorry is this bad - I hope we have Chinese members I feel awful - when I say Chinese members you know I'm not referring to small penises that would be out of order. Santee's going to set fire to my socks and hankies and will fly off with the copy of Call of Duty 4 no one has bought for me.

This post will self destruct in 9 mins.